Arise, O Compatriots. WhatsApp’s Call Obey

I know the gist is stale, but these things must be acknowledged before I commence this rant properly . Since my last post,

(1) An emergency door mysterious fell off a Dana Air plane during landing and the airline blamed it on the passengers;

(2) Somehow that same airline had a plane crash this week. Pretty sure that was also a passenger’s fault;

(3) Security forces have once again outdone themselves and lost schoolgirls. Only this time, we don’t know if they’ve been kidnapped or are lost in a bush somewhere;

(4) And last but most definitely not least, we have finally discovered the root cause of all our public funds issues in this country. For 58 years, Nigeria has been plagued by a supernatural snake with diabolic money swallowing powers. Well, according to an official statement from a government clerk in Benue State. I suggest we all move to our nearest Mountain of Fire.

So, in the last five years, technology has been able to do what 19 years of democracy hasn’t – get Nigerians talking to each other. Not as if our relations are sweeter than what it used to be, but we are communicating. We complain, insult, console, advertise and share job alerts all in one place: WhatsApp group chat. Group chat has created the perfect place to cry without being seen and battle using our words rather than fists.

It is also the perfect place for all manner of rubbish news. A lot of people take WhatsApp’s word as final. Whatever one reads there is passed on as unadulterated fact, almost like village gossip.

According to WhatsApp articles, whiskey is the ultimate cure for all health issues including obesity and milk is a major cause of cancer. Group chats have inflamed the ‘herdsmen crisis’. The hateful comments that a picture of cows on a road generates is shocking. Now any northern-looking man walking on the street with a goat needs to watch his back (I’ll come back to this later).

How many group chats are you on?  In church alone, I am on five and I’m sure there are many more within the congregation that I don’t know about. I keep eyeing that Nokia 3310. Please, if anyone wants to buy it for me, get it in yellow.

What irritates me is the way people add you to groups without your permission and leave you guessing what the group is about – well, assuming there is a point to the group in the first place. No, what’s really irritating is when the same jokes, the same cheesy videos, the same photoshopped pictures or whatever are shared on every single group, or worst still, shared more than once on the same chat. I am convinced that all my WhatsApp groups could essentially be merged into one chat. Honestly, that would save a lot of phone vibrations.

Abeg, I am serious about the 3310. WhatsApp headache has become too much.


  1. so true, Whatsapp groups can be good at times but hmm when it gets too much people know me by now i just exit if i don’t want to be in that group, i can’t deal, it’s the one matter where i don’t wonder whether I am being uncourteous or not…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s