Oooo 2016… You started with the deaths of Alan Rickman and David Bowie then went on to kill many more dear and famous ones – don’t forget the cockroach. And yet, you insist on bidding us farewell with even more death, the passing of the amazing George Michael and Carrie Fisher. As I watch these icons that seemed like permanent fixtures fade, you have made me confront the fragility of my own existence. How deceptive my life is! It seems so stable and unshakable but really it is always one heartbeat away from my departure.
I think of how it is going to be like. How I will close my eyes and drift to another world. Or will they be wide open looking into the distance, gazing at the brilliant blue sky once more? Will it hurt or for once in my life will I be devoid of pain.
I think of how we all go and leave with nothing. And how it all –the ambitions, the fights, the hates, the loves – doesn’t seem to matter anymore when one is thrown into the ground or burned to ashes. I wonder why we all bother at all. I see how useless everything is, all built up to be lost.
Staring at my death, I pause, breathe in deeply, exhale slowly and think of the golden rays of the glorious sun above us. How they stroke my face as its warmth kisses me. How its light embraces, enriches and purifies the very depths of me, the secret places of my being. As I see the sun, I smile and be happy and enjoy being loved. Really, there’s not much else to do in this useless life.