Dear Fuel Scarcity,
Welcome. Your frequent presence in Nigeria is as baffling as a rice shortage in China.
Unfortunately, we just don’t have enough room for you this time around. We have so many other friends and relatives staying over. There’s Naira and all her troubles – she’s having one of her depression episodes again. And of course you know all about the Terrorist Brothers. Let’s not forget Corruption’s side of the family. They are still here on their extended visit. Don’t tell anyone but one of them buried a million dollars in the soakaway. They are such a handful!
Have you ever thought of visiting other people? How about the UK? They are always looking for something to worry about. The Daily Mail would welcome you with open arms. What of the United Arab Emirates? They are enjoying their oil wealth way too much. Why don’t you just go say hi to them once in a while. I believe they have such fabulous hotels – definitely more comfortable than our tacky rooms. You would bathe in so much luxury!
We understand that all our other troublesome guests make our home look all the more appealing to you, and perhaps you are only here because of them; but the house is bursting at the seams. We really really can’t take you in.
Your best friend forever,
P.S. Kudos on arriving on the hottest weekend ever. You always time your visits well.